Yes, it's that time of year again. Christmas is a time when we are supposed to think of others and be grateful that, for those of us who can, we can spend a day with our families.
The lead up to the grand day is another thing entirely. The trip to a shopping centre takes on a whole different experience.
We start with something that is usually pretty tame, finding a parking spot. Under normal situations, this presents a challenge for most drivers on any given day, tackling things like wayward shoppers crossing the road in unexpected places, finding the perfect car park only to find out that the person on the left can't seem to park between the white lines or straight. During the Christmas period, trying to park ones car at a shopping centre becomes something of a death sport. You have two options when it comes to parking at a shopping centre. You can either drive around for nigh on 20 mins, driving up and down aisle after aisle looking for that elusive spot that you know everyone else missed or the even rarer the "Finished Shopper" whom you will stalk like some creepy person until they make it back to their car and will happily wait another 20 mins while they load and leave. This option presents a couple of dangers. First, you have to continually navigate the car park, making sure small children don't suddenly appear between a parked car running to get to the toy store. Second, if you find a car park, you then have to try and distract the other people looking for it, so you will try to make it seem there is nothing down this stretch of road, but loath if someone else spots the vacant spot as well because it suddenly becomes like the home stretch of a grand prix and you will both plant your accelerator, almost reaching escape velocity, just to try and get there before the other person. Third, the dreaded "Space Stealer". This person pops up in the worst times. You will be waiting happily for the "Finished Shopper" to leave, basking in the knowledge that you have found a space when, to your horror, another car has pulled into the vacant space you waited for.
A sense of outrage is quite common. How dare this person steal your space. You drove up and down for AGES trying to find it, and they just come in and steal it right out from under you. So what do you do? Sometimes it's an honest mistake and a couple of calm words and an apology later and the space is yours again. But it is a stressful time, what to buy for nan, auntie Jane has decided to come at the last minute and you don't have enough food, cousin bob has decided to become a vegetarian so your lovingly crafted Christmas lunch/dinner now needs to contain a tofu turkey, it's surprising not more people snap under the pressure and become babbling loonies. So, do you wind down the window and abusing the "Space Stealer", insulting everything from their parents to their ability to drive or do you swallow the lump of rage and move on?
The second option has it's own set of difficulties to overcome. For those who do not want to drive up and down looking for that elusive spot just outside the doors, you can park in the "No Man's Land" The parking spaces put so far away from the shops you wonder why they bothered to put them there in the first place. Making this choice means you must make an expedition back to the shopping centre with a cut lunch and Thermos full of water just to make the trip, it makes it doubly hard for when you leave if you've got an armful of plastic bags or trolley full of items needing to be packed, all the while dodging those who are trying to park closer. When you leave and have someone following you for your space, you run the risk to taking an earful of abuse when they find out where you've parked and they have just wasted 20 mins following you out there.
Once parking is done and you're inside, take a moment to catch your breath and get your bearings. Usually during this time it is usually a veritable sea of bodies, all moving to find last minute presents and food. Going into any shop presents a risk of it's own. Trying approaching a bin or stand and go through the goods there. After a short time, people think you've spotted a bargain and will swarm all over like flies to old meat to find what has attracted your attention for so long and will whatever your looking at be better for them then it is for you.
Reach for the last item of something on a rack of shelf and if the timing is wrong, then you could almost lose a finger or arm. Fights can break out over who was here first and who should get that last item. Then there are the poor staff. Trying to keep stocked shelves that forever seem to be empty, being abused by stressed customers because they've sold out of a particular item that was advertised yesterday or that the toy bought for little Timmy doesn't work and they shouldn't sell shoddy merchandise.
Once you've shopped yourself to exhaustion, usually not because you've got loads of stuff, but just trying to navigate through people in said shops, you might be a little hungry or thirsty or both and a stop for lunch is in order. The food court can present a similar range of problems for the shopper as did parking. Watch as two different parties spot the same table and make a mad dash for it, leaving behind the straggling grandmother under the load of bags or the tottering child. Or watch as others hover next to a group that is just about finished and will pounce on the table the second it's chairs are free. It might be safer getting your food and eating standing up, because even the few stools and benches that are normally vacant will be filled too.
The prepared among us have done their Christmas shopping throughout the year, buying presents several months in advance when sales are on or items are discounted, needing only to go out a day or two before to get the perishable items needed to finish off the feast. Those not so prepared still have not gotten those presents for their siblings and/or parents and the utterly unprepared won't do anything until Christmas eve, fighting the throngs of people doing the same.
Next time you venture to the shops, take a moment to watch this dance and laugh at how funny it is when it's all for a single day where we are supposed to relax and enjoy the company of family and others.
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